God can use ALL things for His glory; from some of the most unimaginable sources. I have an experience I would like to share with you, one that moves me to this day.
There I was, spring 2004, dying inside because my husband had declared he wanted a divorce after 7 years of marriage. He wasn’t sure if he loved me anymore, and then decided he absolutely wasn’t in love with me anymore. He had found a younger, taller, blonder version of me that he wanted more.
I was shattered inside. One cannot explain the intense, destructive emotional pain we can feel in life when we love someone with all our being and they decide you aren’t good enough. I had always thought the Lord put us together. I had always thought he was my “soul mate” as the world calls it. I had had visions of us growing old together.
Bob (my now ex) was my everything. I sacrificed my body to give him the child he wanted (I say that because I had already had a daughter and didn’t want to have any more children). I sacrificed everything of myself FOR HIM. I was blindly in love with this man. I felt he was my protector, my best friend, my lover, my rock. He WAS my everything. I adored him.
I WAS COMPLETELY BLIND.
The day he sprung this news on me, that he wanted a divorce, I was in disbelief. We had a daughter together who was at that time 2. And as each day passed, for 2 months, I realized more and more it was over and it was unbearable to me. How in the world would I live without him? My rock? My best friend? How in the world could he have lied to me all those years of loving me, marrying me, wanting a child with me? We had just bought a house 4 months before he sprung the devastating news. How was this possible?
I sobbed every night for 2 months as I slept on our couch and he in our bed (I needed to find a job before I could move out as I was a stay at home mom, now facing being a single mom). I prayed fervently, passionately, tearfully most nights and days for the Lord to save our marriage. I heard nothing but silence as my pain grew and grew.
The hateful and hurtful things I experienced during those 2 months from this man was like dealing with the devil himself. I went from 125 pounds down to 95. I needed to find my strength and didn’t know how. On antidepressants now to stop myself from crying and be able to function, I was desperately trying to figure out how I was going to make it on my own away from Bob. I remember saying to God at one point “I can’t wait for You anymore. Time has run out and I need to move on.” Bob was pressuring me to get a job and move out as he was going to sell our house. I had to. So I basically told God – fine, you won’t answer me so I have to take matters into my own hands.
One day while getting some things done, I was on my way back home and as I was stopped at a red light, something urged me to change the radio station on my car stereo. I turned it….the very next station was playing Father Figure by George Michael. And right as I turned it, I knew in my soul and could feel God speaking to me through this chorus that immediately sang to my very soul:
I will be your father figure
Put your tiny hand in mine
I will be the one who loves you
Til the end of time.
GOD HAD JUST SENT ME A MUCH NEEDED HUG AND REASSURANCE FROM HEAVEN.
I realized at this moment that I HAD viewed Bob as a father figure in my life, not just my husband. I had never had a relationship with a father figure and I guess in my heart, Bob resembled all that to me. I also realized that my “worship” was going to Bob, and God wanted my worship – ALL OF IT. Much was revealed to me in those 4 little lines that day and in the coming years. I pulled off to the side of the road and cried my eyes out.
I was able to leave Bob and find a job. This too started me on an amazing journey of growth that I never imagined before. I went from fearful to fearless, insecure with myself to never settling for second best again. I found myself by the grace of God, and He had taught me a very valuable lesson from that divorce and the coming years; that He was always with me, that He will always be with me, and He had a far greater calling for me than being Bob’s ground worshiping wife and the mother of his child.
But think about it – God used a George Michael song to reach me that spring day, during the absolute darkest time of my life….when I had given up all hope and wanted to die (for a time I actually planned my suicide); He reached out to me and told me “I will ALWAYS be with you, no matter what!” He told me the things of this world are temporary and woke me from my slumber of “worldly love”. The messages He revealed to me through that one little chorus are endless, and much needed.
Now I realize some non-believers and skeptics would say this was all coincidence, and that it had nothing to do with God, but for those of you who have had experiences with God where He spoke directly to you, you KNOW I tell the truth in this.
God is amazing. He can use anything, any one, at any given time to reach us in our most desperate moments. He LOVES US that much to let us know that He is still here with us. That He never leaves us or forsakes us, despite how angry we get at Him for not giving us what we want when we want it.
I am now remarried, raising that same daughter with a gentle, loving, caring, selfless, faithful, God-fearing man. When I was with Bob, I had always dreamed of having a husband I could talk about God with, one I could share my faith with; God provided that desire of my heart after all that pain I endured. You see, Bob was a man who believed that his relatives went to heaven and could play cards up there, drink beer, and tell funny jokes. That was Bob….not at all what my heart really longed for, although I couldn’t see it fully at the time.
God has blessed me, my daughter, and my current husband so very much. I am able to give my daughter the Christian education I had always wanted for her through homeschooling. God has provided things for us I never imagined possible before. She is getting the foundation she needs to face this world in Him. And none of it would be possible had God not intervened and allowed me to fall on my face at the hands of the ever-deceptive Satan, just so I could SEE.
That’s just one amazing testimony of mine – how God used a George Michael song to speak to me one day. Every time I hear that song now, I don’t think about George in all of his sexual sins, or times of my past that his songs would have reminded me of. No, I remember God now when I hear the chorus of that song. I’m reminded of that day and the messages He relayed to me through those words.
Amazing Grace….how sweet the sound.
Peace to you all, today and every day. ❤