Christian Responsibilities · Sin

SORRY, but not really.

When you wrong someone, or hurt a loved one, how do you apologize or make up for it?

I’ve noticed that our current culture, our current society doesn’t know how to offer sincere apologies.  Many are apathetic in their relationships and have an extremely hard time saying those 2 simple words:  “I’m sorry” without adding anything to it.

We are so busy justifying everything we do these days, to ourselves and to others, that we become right fighters, unjustifiably.

I’ve seen people say “I’m sorry, but……”  That “but” means you’re really NOT sorry and that you’d do it again because you were justified.

I’ve seen people excuse their bad behaviors by turning the pointed finger away from themselves and point it back at those they’ve hurt – exclaiming “well, what about YOU!?”

I’ve seen people say they were sorry and then add all sorts of excuses as to why they did what they did that hurt someone else – again – invalidating the victim’s feelings to justify ones’ bad behavior.

And then there are some that can NEVER apologize because their pride is so big.  Was married to one of those….  (Notice the word “was”).

If we cannot simply say “I’m sorry” and MEAN IT, why bother saying it at all?  And then I would have to ask this question:

If we are to treat others as we’d be treated, are those types of apologies listed above acceptable to us as a sincere apology?  Would we, ourselves, accept what we are giving to others?

People don’t like to be shown that they are wrong.  They lack humility today and have become so prideful that they will stop at nothing to show how they weren’t wrong, even at the expense of a loved one.

We break the second commandment of Jesus when He tells us “love others as you would be loved” when we cannot sincerely apologize to another and have real heart-felt remorse.

We break the second commandment when we storm off in our pride, blaming the person we’ve hurt, playing emotional games with them after, wondering how they had the audacity to call us out on our wrong-doing!  Oftentimes we act out even worse than before to gain their forgiveness and notice (or “love”) us again.  I’ve seen this time and time again.  It’s high school games and I’m saying, it’s time we all grow up.

Throughout my entire life, I’ve had ONE PERSON, ONE TIME years ago, simply say “I’m sorry” for wronging me.  There was no “but” afterwards, no excuse, no justifying what they apologized for.  It was such a refreshing thing to me and I was moved greatly by this show of humility.  It showed me real love and concern for how I was feeling.  I fear that may be the ONLY time I ever get to experience that.  47 years and that only happened ONE TIME?  Yeah, I’d say it’s an extremely rare show of real love.

Isn’t it time we hold ourselves and others to a higher standard in our lives?  Isn’t it time we start having some real accountability?

Reflect on these words the next time someone says you’ve hurt them.  Ask yourself how you show your love and empathy and compassion for another.  My  prayer is that we all can learn how to apologize sincerely, with real remorse, with no excuse, and with real humility.  And if help is needed, ask yourself how you would say “I’m sorry” to God when you wrong Him.  Amen?

Peace to you all, today and every day.

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3 thoughts on “SORRY, but not really.

  1. Let me ask you a question… My 23 year old niece called my sister (her mother) and told her I had hurt her feelings. My sister called and told me. I still haven’t done a thing about it, cuz my niece didn’t call to tell me. Does she expect my sister to call me and for me to call her and say, I’m sorry? Is that how this generation does things, through their parents, always? I really am at a loss of what to do with this. And why didn’t my sister tell her to call me and tell me? Any thoughts?

    1. It’s funny kimerworkman that you mention this because I wanted to somehow fit this in to this blog, but it seemed to be a whole ‘nother subject. “ASKING FOR APOLOGY”. People today would rather run and hide and hate on a person when they’ve “hurt their feelings” then have a backbone and say something about it. I fear our generation is coddling these 20 somethings a bit too much. God help us if something hugely devastating ever happens in this nation, I think we would have a bunch of young adults with their pacifiers rocking in the corner, waiting for someone to “save them”. I think your sister dropped the ball here in parenting (just my opinion). If my kid – even the one who is 15 – came to me and said someone hurt her feelings, I would suggest to her to call that person and let them know…. “clear the air” so to speak, and I would back her up if needed. If it turns out ugly, then she would know where she stands with that person. If it could be patched up, then YAY – a saved relationship! These kids today are taught to bury themselves in electronics and not told to go out and interact personally with others. God help this nation. I think you are right in your feelings on this and your questions legitimate and reasonable. With that said, you COULD call the niece and be the bigger person and show her an EXAMPLE of what being an adult is, since apparently her mother doesn’t do this. Give your niece a blessing, ask her why she didn’t come to you first, and talk about it. That’s what I would do 🙂

      Blessings ❤

      1. I knew you would use that example card!! I agree with you, and she needs to see it from somewhere. It’s so nice to know there are other Christian women out there ready to toss some heads together, in the name of Jesus be healed!!! Thanks for your blog, it helps me if nothing else!!
        Peace! K

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