Standards. We all have them. Whether high or low – those are what we refer to when living our lives. Standards are what we look for/at in others in relationships. We often seek those with the same standards as what we ourselves have.
We could throw in a moral compass or morality to this conversation….they both work together.
Standards involve personal hygiene, cleanliness, relationship values, how we handle ourselves, how we handle relationships, what we feel is acceptable behavior and what we feel is not, how we handle money, how we raise our children, and the list goes on and on. They affect every aspect of our lives.
If you are a Christian, your standards should closely match the Bible’s expectations of us. If you are not a Christian, well, anything can be acceptable, depending on the person.
I’ve been having conversations with a lot of females lately, young and old, on standards regarding dating, marriage, friendships and more. I’ve also been reflecting upon my own standards in my own life.
My conclusion is that those with high standards usually end up alone and confused as to why they cannot find people with similar high standards. They are constantly baffled and amazed at the levels others will stoop and sink to in their lives. Why ARE so many denying themselves of great things?
My conclusion is that most people have such LOW standards today regarding themselves and others that just about ANYTHING works in their mind. There’s no will to change, there’s no self accountability, there’s no common sense reasoning – but yet they want so much more for themselves with no idea how to achieve what they want. There’s only “love me for who I am, or leave – wait don’t leave me PLEASE don’t leave me.” And then they cry “victim”.
My conclusion is that most people today live off of their emotions and because of that, they are willing to accept just about anything – even if it only feeds those emotions on a temporary basis. In the end, they too end up alone, after a life filled with immorality, loaded down with sins, and wondering why they cannot find happiness. It’s nothing but sheer self destruction.
I’m in a tricky marriage. My husband is one with very low standards, while my standards are quite high. I take care of myself as best I can, I keep a clean and organized home, I despise lying, disloyalty, and disrespect. I’m resourceful, willing to learn anything I can, responsible with money, and try to remain adult in a childish and selfish world. BIBLICAL STANDARDS. My husband is entirely opposite of me. He’s never grown up. He’s never been taught the things he should have been taught, therefore is willing to accept anything the world hands him, with no courage or know how to change his life for the better or take charge of it. Needless to say – this has caused non-stop friction in our 10 years together. And like I stated above, I’m forever shocked and amazed at some of the low low levels he will stoop to, not even realizing what he’s doing.
Opposites attract they say.
I thought I could help him long ago. He came to me as a “victim” of so many things. I felt I had the knowledge and will to help him be the best man he could be, with Christ’s help of course.
This is mistake #1 that most women make. We are nurturers. We are helpers. And in today’s world of weakened disillusioned men, it’s become a death trap with sharp iron teeth for most of us with wonderful intentions.
Now I told you that to pose this inquiry; when someone we care for asks us to lower our standards so THEY can feel better and they refuse to stop themselves from returning to their own vomit repeatedly, should we? Should we lower our standards to make someone FEEL better? When I hear the words “You should just accept all my faults and love me for who I am”, I have to question that scenario with deep reflection. The question is in error from the get-go: it’s not an issue of love, it’s an issue of a difference in standards.
I don’t believe God would want us to do that. I don’t believe He wants us to lower our standards at all – if they are biblical – for the comfort of another. Can you just imagine Jesus coddling someone because He hurt their feelings?
I believe a person should always be willing to RAISE their standards – if not for another, at least themselves.
Don’t we love others when we try to show them a better way? A better way to live their lives, a better way to BE? Would we be loving them in continuing to enable their bad behaviors of hurting themselves and others? No, that’s not love, not in the least.
I’m not saying we should get into relationships to change others per say, but if there is in fact issues to be addressed, I don’t think we should cower to their cries of “hurt feelings”. We can be compassionate, we can be empathetic, but in the end, we are going to have to answer for ourselves individually… to God. Personally, I don’t wish to have to answer for the tripping up of another. I wish to be praised for the raising up of another. Question is, when do we get to a place of just throwing up our hands and saying – “fine. have it your way – good luck with that.”?
The problem today is that so many don’t WANT to be raised up. They don’t want to grow up, they don’t want to face the ugly truths of themselves, therefore they remain in denial. And without the PROPER professional help (under Christ’s direction) that suits what they need, the cycle will go on and on. Many today are coping with past hurts and don’t know how to effectively let go of those hurts or the power those hurts have over them.
People need help today. They need HOPE. The problem is – they seek a fix in others and things that don’t have what they need; material things, alcohol, drugs, porn, etc. However temporary, that’s what most seek. They are missing the biggest Hope of all while they seek temporal worldly fixes to their pain.
I fear for this nation and the world today. I see people self destructing all around me. They are under a demonic stronghold, sometimes many, but are too prideful to see it. It’s heartbreaking, and it’s maddening and it’s hurtful to so many others.
Don’t become an enabler. If someone hurts you, give them boundaries and when they cross them – follow through on the consequences – immediately. And don’t fear their reaction. The Lord is our protector and defender. It’s time we put a stop to this insanity – one lost soul at a time.
This “coddled” society we have, that the media keeps bolstering, is getting worse. People are justifying themselves and their actions in ways that are just profound and living solely off of their FEELINGS.
“The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?
I simply cannot lower my basic morals and standards for anyone. None of us should. Certain things are just simply unacceptable and we need to beware when others ask us to. Amen?
Pray for me. Pray for one another. We are all battling some serious spiritual things lately in a world where Satan knows his time is short. Men are greatly getting hit with demonic influence – more so lately than I’ve ever seen. It would make sense Satan would go after the men right? The head of the family? Yeah…..
Peace to you all, today and every day.