I’m at that place where I’m at peace after a holiday. Some of you may know what I’m talking about. The hustle and bustle is over. The worry (as a hostess and mother) that everything will turn out good is over. I pulled it off with the help of Jesus. I’m so at ease right now. It’s a wonderful feeling.
Even though our family has been torn apart by the Transgender movement this year, I found myself enjoying the day, though I was dog-tired. Just me, my hubby, and my oldest daughter spent the day together, laughing, loving, being at peace. We ate heartily, watched movies, exchanged gifts, and just enjoyed each others company. Hubby even dragged me into a funky kitchen dance briefly. We laughed as my oldest looked on smiling at us.
I dreaded this Christmas for a long time. I didn’t know whether I would want to cry all day because my youngest hasn’t spoken to us in 6 months, or whether there would be drama, or what. But we didn’t even bring her up. Not because we don’t love her. I guess because we’ve learned to live without her. Her silence from us has been deafening and I think we all just wanted to enjoy the day without thoughts on that.
Oh, I still go through my tearful times, my angry times, don’t get me wrong. But today’s peace was a welcomed blessing. I thank Jesus for that, because it could have gone a whole lot different.
I found out my youngest’s grandpa died on the 10th from cancer. I wanted to reach out to her so much through this time of grief for her dad’s side of the family and the heartache she must be feeling. The mom in me wanted to hug her so tight and console anything sorrowful away. But all I could do was send her a text message, wishing her a Merry Christmas, saying we missed her, and that I was sorry to hear about her grandpa.
Of course, it went unanswered. I didn’t expect anything different. Part of me was glad for the lack of response because that would have reopened wounds. Part of me hopes she saw my message and didn’t have me blocked. I want her to know we love her and miss her and are thinking of her. The other part? Well I just don’t know what to think anymore.
Honestly, I don’t think she cares anymore. And believe it or not, I’m mostly ok with that. What choice do I have? She is living the life she wants to, away from us. Her helicopter mom is no longer an issue, she’s free to sin as she pleases by wanting to be a boy, stand out, get attention in any way she wishes, color her hair rainbow colors and more. If she’s happy, I guess that’s all I can hope for at this point. What else can I do other than keep praying for her? She’s going to be 17 in 2 weeks. She’s old enough to make her own decisions and she’s made it clear to all of us, she doesn’t want us in her life anymore.
She’s experiencing life – outside of the “oppressive” homeschool Christian life she had here in our home. Part of me still hopes she’ll be a prodigal, after a time, when this world has beaten her down enough to where the foundation I laid for her in Christ shines through, but I’m losing hope. I have lost any control in that matter, if I ever had any. It’s now up to her, and Jesus. She has reached the age of accountability now and I’ve had to let go – for my own sake and sanity.
I am at peace. Again, I thank Jesus for that. And I thank whoever has been praying for me and her and our family. Thank you, they were heard ❤
We had a wonderful Christmas – just the 3 of us. And I’m so grateful.
I hope you and yours also had a blessed Christmas. And even if you think or feel you didn’t, TRY to see the blessings all around you. Count them. Be grateful in them.
Tomorrow, life returns to normal. I almost don’t want the day to end, but it must. Life carries on.
Just wanted to share some thoughts and tell whoever reads this, I hope you had a wonderful, peaceful Christmas yourselves. As for this girl, my heart smiles. 😀
Peace to you all, today and every day.